HIGH GEAR/SEPTEMBER 1977
FRIENDS AND LOVERS
that says if you love something.. you should let it be free: then; if it comes back to you, you know you have it for good; but, if it doesn't come back, then you never really had it at all.
By Dennis Highland There are many ways in which gay life is like straight life; quite a number of the emotions.four In straight, relationships are found in gay ones. One of the Unfortunately, not all of us are strongest emotions is jealousy sufficiently mature to accept or and its effects on our love lives realize this. Some of us check and friendships are so destruc-on our partners, become petty. tive that, much too often, friends and lovers don't mix well. The hard feelings that accompany jealousy inhibit the gay person's ability to have a lover and close friends at the same time.
When two people have a commitment to each other, the frequent result is a closing of the mind to outside friendships. The value of friendship is almost as great as the value of love, but too many of us blind ourselves to potential friendships whenever we have found one special companion." The strings of commitment begin to Choke us; our whole world is our lover and very little else.
Along with jealousy, distrust develops. Suspicion becomes the basis of the relationship, rather than trust and love. Surreptitious telephone calls are made by one lover to check on the whereabouts of the other. Bar hopping develops to see if "he's seeing someone else," and often informers are used for the spying. The slightest questioning between the lovers quickly turns into abrasive arguments. And, eventually, the commitment withers and dies. with only bitterness left.
And why this, damn it? Why do so many people, in their attempts to vigilantly preserve a love relationship, act in ways precisely inimicat-to-such a preservation? Why, in the name of love, are such hateful actions undertaken to determine one partner's faithfulness to another?
A saying that I find particularly applicable is the one CHRISTOPHER
"BLUE BOY IN TOUCH
STREET
"catty", or jealous and engage in backbiting and other ploys as a result of our unfounded jealousy. When two disparate people try to become one, denying their own individuality in the process, the result is disappointment, sadness and very often an end to what could have potentially become a truly loving relationship.
And, more often than not, we don't learn from our mistakes. After the love is gone and we go off on our own, we apply the same tactics whenever we meet. someone else. Instantly, all friends of one lover become potential enemies of the other; the vicious cycle continues. Is this what "gay" is all about?
I hope we are outgrowing all this. Gay liberation isn't only political, it is emotional, too. All the equal rights in the world don't mean anything if we are unable to relate to each other as mature, responsible individuals. Jealousy, and its interference in making friends while having a lover, are among the largest roadblocks that have to be overcome. If we don't want to be treated like archetypal faggots, we have to stop acting like them.
It's all a growing process, a series of steps whereby we better ourselves and expect better treatment from society as a result. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is the golden rule that should always be remembered and followed as we try to relate to those we like and those we love.
PLAYGUY
AN OASIS IN THE WEST
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